sometimes adventure can be kind of lonely

here i am one week away from starting my kitchen apprenticeship. i am quite excited, but yet again i am reminded at how lonely it can be starting another adventure by yourself in a foreign city.

i am reminded yet again of the distance between myself and everyone i hold dear to me. my family and my friends are all scattered in various parts of the globe. i have very few here in london with whom i share that sense of history with.

no one knows me here like my old friends and family do.

when i meet new friends, i have to hold back the compulsion to tell them as many things about me as i can in an effort to get them to know who i am. i know you cannot build these things overnight. these connections i have with the people i love - they are either built from blood or years and years of fighting, sharing, arguing, crying, winning and losing together.

right now, it seems to me that everyone is just so far away. and i am here typing my innermost thoughts out on my computer.

i recently saw 'adam' the movie and i was struck by how relevant it was to my life right now.

there is a part in the movie where adam reveals why he wanted beth to move with him to california and it wasn't the reason that beth was desperately waiting to hear. as a result beth refuses to go and adam is tortured at the thought that his life raft wasn't moving with him to california. in the end, adam simply decides to move, in spite of all of his fears. he moves to california. beth stays in new york. adam finds himself in california. beth also finds herself in new york.

i wanted to find myself again which is why i ran away to london. but in finding myself, i had to lose that physical connection - the comfortable availability of everyone i loved back in asia.

i think sometimes that is what we need - we need to lose the distraction of the 'beths' in our lives so we can focus on what it is that our 'adam' really needs.

but it doesn't change the fact that sometimes, finding our adam can be quite lonely, and that many times when you are alone, you just want, even if for the space of a few minutes to have one of your 'beths' sitting beside you to tell you it will be alright.