Re-post from Mary Morrissey

‘The universe is immense and gorgeous and magnificent. I salute it. Every speck, every little fly on the window salutes the universe. Every leaf has meaning. I think the universe is still expanding. It is experiencing and accomplishing and we have the opportunity to add to its glow. Everybody can love in the place where they are. Everybody can love in the place where they are, in the physical body in which we are, in the life in which we are involved. We can all add our share of love without even leaving our room.”

Your Thoughts Now: 2

i think that this writing down the thoughts that are in your head without bothering to make sense of them is starting to make sense.

first of all, i want to kill this shameless hussy who is flirting with MY twitterman.

second of all, i don't know how to confirm or deny once and for all the persistent rumors that twitterman - may BE gay.

third - i am going back to getting on a better diet and eating plan as i have just been reminded that a notorious diabetic gene exists in my family. having seen the physical devastation it has wrought on various family members, i have no inclination to suffer from it.

fourth - i still can't get over the fact as to how good MY twitterman is looking now with the added muscles on his frame. PLEASE GOD LET HIM BE STRAIGHT. my gaydar has never failed before but like all things - there is always a first time. PLEASE GOD DON'T LET THIS BE THE FIRST TIME MY GAYDAR FAILS.

fifth - i am wondering what to do tomorrow as it is my day off and i don't want to spend it trapped doing household chores. so i am staying up a little bit late doing the laundry. and other bits and bobs.

i am also every now and then uttering a silent prayer for my friend who needs comfort and love right now. i want her to know she is in my thoughts and of course, my prayers for her safety and recovery.

i am beginning to think as i read back some of the things i had written in my older blogs that this new one is utterly boring and useless. i am tempted to rip out the better ones i had written previously and paste them in the new one to comfort myself with the thought that when i am in the right frame of mind - i can actually write.

i've been reminded yet again that my worries are all petty and useless. there is really nothing much more to do in this life than take it by the horns and do something with it.

Your Thoughts Now

am writing this because in one of those daily inspiration sites i subscribe to, they sent me this line saying - write down your thoughts now as the unsolicited words are often the richest.

i don't know necessarily if my thoughts now are exactly rich but here goes....

i should stop having these late night dinners coming home from the late shift. while it hasn't happened yet, i am continually plagued by thoughts of getting fat from these late night binges.

i haven't written anything in ages. i have lists of articles and topics i want to write about. bits and pieces of research, initial ideas for the book my good friends are telling me to write but they remain nothing more than bits and pieces of ideas. i am deluged with the daily tasks of living like laundry, work, eating late night dinners after coming home late.

i am starting to get bothered that i am unable to sleep without taking painkillers. i am also bothered by the fact that i actually get excited about taking my painkillers before sleep and look forward to that wonderful drowsiness that overtakes me.

i am still missing my sasha very much. only now, i miss her knowing i will never see her again. it is a double whammy of a miss session and i still cry buckets when i am alone.

i am feeling quite down, vulnerable and lost yet again. i try to tell myself how far i have come and how much i have achieved thus far but it seems like a hollow victory. i don't know why.

i tell myself to stop driving myself dizzy with things to do and wait for the answer to come. that is the problem. i am not very good with waiting.

praying - i have been doing more of it and i am also feeling better because of it. and meditating. sometimes ten minutes is all my mind can take and trying to be silent and one with the moment is very much a struggle. so i just take the ten minutes when i can and don't beat myself up about it.

thinks twitterman is actually very boring even though he is very good looking. a bit of a doofus as well. but still...a very good looking one. lol!

is going to start dieting tomorrow. will cut back on carbs because i am afraid of getting fat with all these late night dinners. and will lessen those 'i deserve all this ice cream because i am very, very tired, i feel quite down, lost and vulnerable' moments.

i am starting to feel sleepy now. the painkiller pill beckons.....til tomorrow....