The Empress in the Kitchen

finally my fingers have stopped hurting enough for me to be able to sustainably type.

if you have been living under a rock the past few weeks, let me remind you that four days ago, i started work as an apprentice at Pearl - a french restaurant run by jun tanaka. i've been working there for four straight days and i've lost a pound since. the first thing you need to know about those chefs is that NO ONE eats or takes a break when they are working.

(this is shelley, shelling langoustines. she was also an apprentice like me but she's finished with her apprenticeship)

they work their ten, twelve or worse, 7am to 12 midnight shifts, on their feet, with only the occasional toilet break. they takes bites out of whatever it is they are cooking, slicing, dicing or pinches what the other chefs are preparing. if they are slicing carrots, they eat a few slices of the trimmings. from 630 or 7am, they are already slicing, dicing, sauteeing, grating, pureeing, braising, trimming, cleaning, sifting, baking and they end their twelve hour days day slicing, dicing, sauteeing....all they ever do is COOK and CLEAN. everyone cleans up after themselves - there are no people to hand you anything or clean up after you. you WILL get yelled at and WILL be told to eff off if you don't clean up after you.

my first day, first realization: dammit i am TOO OLD for this shit.

(this is sebastian, the french sous chef. Chef is in the background with Suren the chef de partie)

i had no expectations on my first day other than i would NOT be given a chance to cook anything or handle any of the expensive ingredients. i was fully expecting to be errand girl - like count apples, peel onions and garlic. and errand girl i was and continue to be and i am EVER so glad because i would either die of a heart attack or end up killing someone if i had to be put under the kind of pressure the chefs are under to deliver that kind of food.

one dish alone, easily has 20-30 different components. take the sea bass dish. it has fennel puree which is a separate recipe, cooked fennel which is flashed in the pan but must be trimmed and sliced properly, baby fennel which is again prepared and trimmed and cooked sous vide with herb oil (again a recipe), with a sauce which again is a separate recipe, foam which is another recipe, orange segments which are prepared by peeling and separating the orange segments PERFECTLY, crushed hazelnuts plus not to mention the sea bass which is gutted, cleaned and filleted into the perfect portions since the fish comes into the kitchen whole. and this is just one dish - the less complicated one at that in the different items on the menu. you don't want to hear about the partridge dish and what goes into it.

First day, second realization: I CANNOT COOK. You CANNOT cook. These people COOK.

all of these individual dish components must be prepped and done before lunch and dinner service because what happens during service is that the fish/meat get cooked and the vegetables done within two to four minutes by 2 sous chefs (one is assigned to fish, one cooks the meats, another the garnishes) to be plated by Chef (jun tanaka) and head chef (richard). the sous chefs hand the separate components of each dish to Chef and head chef at the pass, all in their correct portions, all perfectly cooked to be assembled or plated as they call it. the sous chefs HAVE to get it right EACH time because if Chef is not happy with how they are cooked, he will send them back to be re-done. this means, you will lose time and will back up the other orders AND you will lose one portion count which means if you run out of stuff while service is still on going, the whole team runs into trouble.

for every dish, it takes 8-10 people working separately on separate recipes for sauces, garnishes, marinades and prepping all the meat, fish and vegetables. and they do it ALL by themselves. all the meats and fish come as carcasses - the ducks come killed and plucked with their heads still on, the scallops are all in their shells which need to be cleaned, the potatoes still are dirty with their skins on. they do all the work themselves including Chef. they grab their own pans, haul stuff from the larder, run around like headless chickens, list down the items they are running out of to be ordered from the suppliers, cook, make their prep lists for the next day.

(this is Chef and head chef Richard plating at the pass)

First day third realization: I am TOO OLD, TOO SMALL, TOO SHORT, TOO WEAK for this gig.

on my first day, i was praying i would just get through the day without making myself look like a fool - don't slice any fingers off, don't drop any pans, don't burn yourself and make yourself useful.

within the first two hours, i sliced my thumb chopping shallots, stabbed my middle finger trimming cauliflower and burnt my fingers on the bag sealing machine. i also dropped the metal tray on the floor and in trying to save the bowl of stuff that the tray took down with it, screamed like the girl that i am. tray clangs to the floor in unison to the screams of the apprentice. nice.

First day fourth realization: Please God no more humiliation.

and then the second day came along.....