The BEST People in the World

i am writing this because i gave myself a deadline to get back to the land of the living. i think i may be growing up. first time in my life ever did i concede that i wasn't strong enough to muster on in the face of all that happened. so i deliberately dug a hole and stayed there for a few days. i knew i couldn't stay in the hole forever but it was a good hole while it lasted.

i had a phone call last night with my friend rob who lives way yonder in vancouver. we've been friends for over 12 years now. he called (or rather we skyped) just to talk. he was concerned about how i'd been feeling and old friends like him - they're like old shoes that just fit right and it all came gushing out of me. i didn't have to hold anything back - he just sat there and listened. i ranted and raved, i was alternately angry, sad, inconsolable, deranged, lashing out and he just took it all in stride.

and after everything i had had emptied out of me - he talked to me with a logic that only those who have the inside map to your head can do. after more than an hour, i found myself telling him about some of my kitchen adventures and we started laughing. then he said - 'hey this is the jill i KNOW'. and i realized, i hadn't been that jill in a long time.

and in that moment i knew i was going to be alright. and i was immensely grateful for the wonderful gift of a friend that rob is.

as i was about to sleep, i remembered all of the other wonderful friends i have in my life who helped move me through these difficult days. those who called, emailed, texted, facebooked, came over just to see if i was alright. and i knew without a shadow of a doubt that i belong to a rarified circle of humans who genuinely care.

this is my gratitude list because I am friends with some of THE BEST people in the WORLD....

gerry - for being the most kunsintidora. for helping me keep the faith and reminding me that more things in this life are wrought by prayer.

nico - for always understanding and being a steadfast cheerleader even if there's nothing much to cheer about.

paul - for coming over with the downloaded movies and tv series to watch for distracting entertainment together with the best friend chicken, chips and ice cream.

patrick - the best flatmate one could ever have.

arnold - for constantly asking how i am. for coming over to do nothing because he knows his being there to do nothing with me is more than enough comfort. for fixing my brows and saving me £34.

arnell, cris, jojo, charles, martin, joel, will, vannie, leng and pam - the divas who never fail to cheer me up with their one-liners.

jenny from the block, mac and sherry - friends made and kept over from leo-burnett. who keep in touch distance and location notwithstanding.

jan - for reconnecting with me on facebook. even if we haven't seen each other in 20 years, talking to you again on fb feels like we never parted ways since high school.

mark - for always asking how i am and for making that call when even i was beginning to be scared of how dark my thoughts were becoming.

jennie, agnes, bob, boom - for you all who went out of your way and made the time to see me during my limited stay in manila. MY POSSE FOREVER.

coy and mark - my bros whom i love forever

the three titas - bootsie, estrelle and roni. they all drive me crazy in different ways but i wouldn't have it any other way.

tio gilbert, mc, jenlee and tiffany - my family in the us. i heart and miss you all much.

cosette - my ate and consumate supporter.

leah, cris, cynthia, maes, che, eme, liza, ange, jojie and the whole damn list of stellans whom i grew up with as kids - so grateful to reconnect with you all.

shammy - for reminding me of all the wonderful memories of us all together and reminding me of the need to create more.

janine - my wonderful friend in yonder toronto with whom i had tons of adventures with in thailand. who would've thought i would make a friend for life back then?

gigi - who surprises me that while we didn't have that much time to spend together at mccann, how observant she was about who i was as a person and how big her heart is in appreciating sides of me i never even thought about.

mattie and cris - my tibetan temple circle who remind me there is much light to be found everywhere.

kumuda - for reminding me that the world is really a much better place because mustang sally's like us exist.

and to everyone else whom i may have missed out on but have been praying and sending me the kindest thoughts and wishes.

i guess this is how it feels like to win the oscar. except this is much, much better.

thank you all and i want you to know, I AM ALRIGHT now. Moving on.